“Great marriages cannot be constructed by individuals who are terrified by their basic aloneness, as so commonly is the case, and seek a merging in marriage. Genuine love not only respects the individuality of the other but actually seeks to cultivate it, even at the risk of separation or loss. The ultimate goal of life remains the spiritual growth of the individual, the solitary journey to peaks that can be climbed only alone.”
– oops, I lost the source of this quote!
The Partner We Choose
“If you look at the person someone has chosen to be with, you will see what they think of themself.”
– George Lucas (quoted by Carrie Fisher in her autobiography, The Princess Diarist.)
Problems in a Relationship
“Love and war are both conditions of our human brain.
Arguably, though, the brain is wired first and foremost for war, rather than for love.
The brain’s primary function is to ensure we survive … and it is very good at this… but the things we do to keep from getting killed often are exactly the things that keep us from getting into a relationship or staying in one.”
– Stan Tatkin, in Wired for Love.
The True Purpose of Relationships
“Our most significant relationships exist for a very different reason than we believe, either personally as individuals or collectively as a society.
Their true purpose is not to make us happy, not to meet our needs, not to define for us our niche in society, not to keep us safe … but to cause us to grow towards the Light.”
– Robin Norwood
Death of a Relationship
“We may think that we want more than anything for a relationship to last, but the relationship itself usually signals its limitations, as the signs of old age signal death …
It takes courage to read the signals of fate asking for change, asking us to acquiesce to the bitter truths that are revealed slowly and painfully”.
– Thomas Moore, in Soul Mates.
Surrendering to Marriage
“Yet, my fantasy of marriage as a wellspring of contentment has completely disappeared, and so should yours. Thinking you get happiness ever after is a ticket to divorce. I’ll tell you the four things I now know about marriage, from my own transforming relationship and from conversations with other flummoxed spouses:
A. Marriage can be hell;
B. The grass is not greener on the other side;
C. Savour the highs, because one thing you can count on – the dips are just around the corner; and
D. Nobody is perfect, so you may as well love the one you’re with.
To get to this stage took a lot of work and a lot of tears. I cannot imagine going through this psyche-searing task again with someone new. Therefore, I surrender to this imperfect marriage, because I love it more than I hate it and I committed to this man with a promise that I need to, we all need to, do our best to fulfil.
– Iris Krasnow: Surrendering to Marriage.
I Love You
“When I say, ‘I love you’, do I come with a full bowl to be shared, or an empty bowl
to be filled?”
– Old Chinese Proverb.
Loving Someone
“Happy comes and goes.
Loving someone isn’t that crazy infatuation that you feel at first. That passes.
Well, not passes, but it calms down, and then sometimes, when you least expect it, you get a glimpse of the person and it all comes back again, in a big rush.
But even that’s not what you’re looking for.
What you’re looking for is the feeling that no matter what, being with that person is always going to be better than being without that person.
Good times or bad.
That having that person around makes whatever you’re going through better, or at least more tolerable.”
– Robin Hobb.
Keep your Marriage Brimming
“Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:
whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
whenever you’re right, shut up”.
– Ogden Nash
Listening to Life 